ouhhhhhhh shit i finished the summer hikaru died volume 1 a couple days ago and it fucking rules. i love it so much. i got impatient so i went ahead yesterday and reserved volumes 2, 3, and 4 from a book store and we had to drive an hour to get it and i am soo happy
i've honestly never actually bought manga before. it's always from a library or i just read it online. but i cared enough to get it physically.
i actually looked for tshd at the library several months ago, maybe in like september? october? i have no idea. i'm excited to read more of it. owning things physically means so much to me i never really get the opportunity

the day before i also went to a couple other stores and got little trinkets like. keychains and stickers and eyeliner and stuff. not very notable things but things i'm happy to have :)

hellooo goodmorning. i have woken up quite early the past couple days.

yesterday i went to the library with my grandma and sister again. they actually had something that has been on my list for a while... i checked out volume 1 of the summer hikaru died. they also had every other volume but they were already ordered by somebody. i figured by the time i finish this i could check again and put a hold on the other volumes and get them next time. if i can figure that out. yay for physical media that i can hold in my hands. i have a big problem with having to read things online but i often don't have a choice. its just not as peaceful i think. i sound 80 years old when i say that but i really prefer actual books over reading it on my screen
i did read a bit of it. i find the premise quite alluring and it definitely gets a little bizarre (very positive. i enjoy this a lot). i like yoshiki and hikaru's dynamic. and of course as it must be in everything i enjoy, there are some pretty cool visuals and the art style is pleasing.

its also worth mentioning i read through a few volumes of oyasumi punpun before getting tshd. it's no secret that it's definitely on the depressing side. i'm always interested in media that handles childhood trauma and attachments. it's quite dark and the style is very gritty and that is contrasted by the funny little bird people that make up punpun and his family. if anything it makes it more haunting in a weird charming way. i think it is grotesque in a way that is quite beautifully written

few days ago ive started thinking about animal jam and it made me miss my membership.. i decided id buy a month or two again but somebody told me you could get membership way cheaper by buying sapphires on ebay. you can purchase a month of membership for 600 sapphires or 7 dollars, but for 7 dollars you can buy 5,000 sapphires on ebay and buy 8 months of membership with that. so thats precisely what i did. i'll be waiting.. i never buy virtual items especially not from a third party but the seller is trusted and its definitely a steal. i'm on my way to play the forgotten desert all day again :o)

Good Day For Me Today. to be honest i slept all day but i woke up early (for me) to go to the mall before i went back to bed since money came in for everyone. Finally. i've been waiting to buy something. rubs my hands maliciously

ok for starters i went to daiso. im not really sure how many people live near daiso stores but i go to them all the time cause my family loves it. nothing very interesting it's just a japanese import dollar store and we needed some stuff for our cats. but i turned around and got jumpscared by an eva 01 surveillance camera sticker? you know the ones that say "you're on recording" but it was eva 01 themed?weird. i'm not sure if i've ever seen evangelion merch in that store or i guess i've never noticed it? funny.

and then i go to my weeb store. tbh nothing new in stock but i bought a rei shirt. expensive as shit for a tshirt. another $40 to khara... this is what it looks like. the text is kind of strange but sure why not it looks cool and i need something rei related!!! i love her so much but i've had a lack of any merchandise of her. my remedy

they had one of these evangelion plushies that i want SO BAD. the sega preciality prize ones. they look like this. but. they Only Had Mari. and i'm not really interested. oh my god. i've wanted the shinji one so fucing bad for ages. fuck my entire life . i stood there for a few seconds staring at it like oh my goddddddddddddddddg i hate my life. the bows are adorable

i went to hot topic too. just to look around. i don't really get anything there anymore because it's such a bizarre place to be in and it also makes me feel claustrophobic. entire fucking shelf dedicated to hazbin hotel merch sure man why not. modern hot topic is such a strange place to be in but my family want me to work there sooo bad because i look like an emo loser probably. i'd fit right in. but i've heard the work sucks. they also want me to work at the weeb store for the same reason LMFAO Help. but i'm not sure about the conditions there. i dunno. i guess i'm waiting to be able to properly drive by myself.

and umohmy god i just. my money is going down the drain. so i bought these. all of this for $47 is so fuckign crazy. the cards included. im kind of speechless im so so so so happy dude. it was actually $60 because of taxes and shipping but ohmy god. that is crazy. im so happy duuuude ohhh,hohhh oh oh oh i'm crying look at them look look look ahha huahu theyre in their original anime plugsuits this is the holy grail to me oh m god theyre so cute they look so nice for slightly older and smaller figures crying im crying i'm sobbing. original nge anime figures mean so much to me in a world where all the merch has been taken over by rebuilds (looking at my shikinami langley and qworu figures. sighs) and these 3 too. i'm clearly not the biggest mari fan (i could go on about how i feel about her addition and the execution of her character. i'm also just not a huge rebuild fan in general) but i still like her and she looks so nice. and the shinji is so cute and the kaworu holding the kitty means so much to be hes so beautiful. the kitty. the cat. oh my god.kdddddddddddddddd and a close up of the cards. tbh i'm not sure how i'll display these but the addition of them is so sweet. i'll be so happy to have them. THE KAWOSHIN CARD!!!!! i should get a wallet with one of those see through pockets where people put pictures of their partners and shit and put them in there. i actually have no clue where these are even from overall what a fucking steal i can't believe it. i'm so excited. it's from a japan seller so it'll take ~a month to ship give or take but i think it's worth it. life is meaningless if you aren't waiting for a package to come in the mail. the seller seems so nice too. they said they'd write my number on the package just in case that is so reassuring. here's a link if anyone reading happens to be interested because their prices are really generous for their bundles. lowkey might buy from them again if all goes well. i think i am in shock i am so happy eep i need a better place to display all of them, maybe a shelf or something. i've also seen people hang up their shirts on figure shelves so maybe i'll do that too but i also like wearing them i don't know

YEAHH OH YEAHH I AM SO HAPPY

oh my god i'm really tired. i was up all night last night. watching anime with my buddies and then getting carried away playing toontown for way too long.

well i finished devilman like, the morning after i started reading it. i really love it. solid 10/10 i think. probably one of my favorite things ever. i love satan sooo much (insane shocker i know)
i made some joke earlier:
the father = devilman
the son = evangelion
the holy spirit = ultrakill
(in terms of things i personally really enjoy)
LOVE THE ENDING SO MUCH this shit is so beautiful!!!! i can't put it into words. i think id just reiterate everything i mentioned in the last post about it. what an inspiring work of art. i can really understand why so many of the things i like have taken inspiration from this masterpiece. it's honestly really hard for me to be so engaged and invested in manga as much i was for devilman i also watched one of the devilman ovas. i don't think it changes anything huge story wise so i'm not sure if it's much to write home about buuut i did really enjoy seeing the manga's art style animated. did i mention i like the art style. i really like the art. big fan of these weird homos.
anywayy i can't believe i never mentioned this but i also started watching attack on titan with my pals. we finished the first season IT'S REALLY COOL WUAHH i like everything with the ending arc with annie. to be honest for the first several episodes i watched them when iwas really fucking tired and barely conscious so i might be missing a lot of things but i like what ive seen of the last many episodes. also DUDE THE SECOND OPENING IS SO GOODDDD i'm listening to it as i write this. sooo fucking good. i hope the next openings are this good too. i fucking love blood and carnage and war and death and destruction

hi again. new mediathing update. i've been reading through devilman throughout the day (the original 1970s manga) i really like it thus far, i'm midway through volume 4 of 5, and i wanna watch the ova afterwards. i've always been interested in devilman crybaby but i then learned about the original manga and i just prefer the style and designs of the characters a lot more.
it's a little more drastic than this but, it reminds me of the change from the original neon genesis evangelion anime to rebuild's art style. you really can't blame people who are nerds for 70s to 90s anime, they just don't make em like they used to. shrug.
it's fun to go to through the roots of the roots, as devilman inspired bits of evangelion, which then went on to inspire god knows what amount of people. i belive it's speculated that ryo asuka was an inspiration for kaworu. i like the guy. i like both ryo and akira actually. their designs are fun and their personalities are strong.
i love the style of the demons too! i fancy silene's design quite a lot. i guess it's no secret that i'm quite partial to characters with at the very least resemblance to angels. and of course the devilman himself, too. aaand this weird cunt. positive.
anyhow, just generally speaking, i'm glad i've worked my attention span back up to be able to read through this stuff thoroughly. same thing with movies and shows. haha i can actually enjoy things now. woohoo. so. its about time i make a new webmaster page then to update with all the things i've collected this month heehee

on the purpose of life, i believe my purpose is to make people happy. in an ideal world, my dream would be to positively impact a portion of people with my creative work. but on a smaller scale, if i die knowing that i made a couple of strangers on the street happy by complimenting them, made my friends laugh for a few minutes, made someone feel loved and seen, gave someone advice that changed the way they think, then I will die happy. that is what i was put on earth for. writing this on my phone in the car by the way hau hau. wanted to get this thought out

hiii
i watched season 2 of squid game. it was entertaining. the recruiter is soo cute i miss him somuch sorry. and im a big big big fan of the trans rep.shes genuinely awesome and so sweet and it made me feel very seen to see a trans character in a positive light in a mainstream show. its also not swept under the rug, its very sympathetic and it made me really happy to see. if im honest i didn't finish it entirely i left at the last 10 minutes because i knew the cliffhanger would piss me offffff. at least i dont have to wait 3 years for the next season. i liked it though smile.

i also went to the doctors for the first time in My god i don't even know when LMFAO i had to get shots in both my arms for boosters and immunization and just a general checkup. i'm healthy! i'm perfectly average. quite funny to me
my arms hurt for a couple days afterwards though ouwww i didn't get very good sleep because the arm i sleep on hurt more. such a nothing problem but it made me mad im going to complain about it

also i downloaded genshinn impact FUCK ME I GUESS I LIKE IT WHATEVER. WHATEVER. i'm not going to spend money on it i just like brainless rpgs where you run around doing quests and fighting shit and i like pretty anime boys. and the game is pretty. so what. fuck you. and i have a couple of buddies who like it so why not
i'm not very far in the game yet but as far as characters i currently have (just a bunch of free quest characters and xinyan. xinyan is cool i didn't care at first but i love when characters have a guitar so she grew on me. i got her from gamblihng) im a big fan of kaeya. my first main i think. is that what you call them. cool ass pirate i like his design
speaking of brainless rpgs where you run around doing quests and fighting shit ive been revisiting toontown rewritten because i wanted to rename and rewrite my toon. i stopped playing bc i hate training my gags and everything i wanted to do would kind of require them to be higher leveled i think my drop and toonup in particular are quite awful. but oh my goddd i miss doing field offices they were so fun dude. i renamed my toon from virtual pet (its a nice name, a lot of people liked it but its not for me :( end of an era. rest in peace) to seraph. elitist ass name but whatever it sounds nice. by the way ttr is NOT nice with the limits it has on customization. not sure if its inherited from toontown online but im sure it is because everything that sucks ass is. you can only rename your toon once a YEAR a YEAR are you JOKING and you can only rewrite (change colors and head shape and body type n whatever. you can't even change oyur fucking species. ever. ) every 6 months. like why. thats insane. its not that serious dude whatever . jesus christ my feet are cold
i haven't even actually played the game since i renamed because i am Scared. because you have to memorize all the gag combos and all the math and all that shit it makes me so mad i dont wanna. and if i play again on my main toon ill have to hammer that shit into my brain FAST because my toon is too far into the game to excuse beimg a dumb bitch. nobody tell me to play corporate clash ill kill myself
anyway here's art of my toon. funny guy! toons are quite fun to draw.

woah. movies time. i wanted to take advantage of the sudden drive i have to actually watch and finish the things i wanna watch since i was able to finish madoka magica so quickly. i watched akira last night, and watched ghost in the shell today. both have been on my list for quite some time, at least a year or more. these two films feel essential if you're any into 80s/90s anime, especially those in the cyberpunk category. i see these two mentioned side by side quite often.

akira:
i was a fan of how big and expansive the world feels. incredible and haunting soundtrack. quite the charming art style that adds a lot to characters that you already feel for. they really do feel like teenagers lol. also, i liked kei. :) honestly went in completely blind and didn't expect anything about the espers, and i think a lot of people expecting any story about teenage biker gangs wouldn't either. very neat. batshit crazy last several minutes. loved it

ghost in the shell:
woah.waow. the visuals were fucking awesome. i know it means nothing to say this for both movies but amazing soundtrack and use of it and art style. honestly mesmerizing and inspiring. loved diving into the mind of major kusanagi and the questions about her existence, and the relationship of man/machine. wonderful character.

i thoroughly enjoyed both :)

would i consider this a 1/4 or 1/5 post? i'm writing this at 12:30 am
well
bahahahahah i just realized i accidentally set one of my january blogposts to ..january 2024
i think this is a mistake everyone makes after new years in some way shape or form

as you can see i overhauled my blog layout. much more pleasant now...

this diary. this blog.. i keep going back and forth between the two... was supposed to be smaller in scale, think a modern social media like twitter, but more closed off (you can see this approach in earlier posts)
but i got caught up with other things that i stopped focusing on the little details of my life and instead made big packages of posts recapping things that happened between weeks.

nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya nya

a few days ago i came to the revelation that i'm much better at providing my friends with input and comfort when they are dealing with something and/or upset these days holy SHIT can visual studio code stop turning off word wrap.
anyways
for many years i struggled with this. i'd sometimes get too worried over the person that i wouldn't know what to say, and then i'd panic because i'd feel so unhelpful, and in most cases i'd end up more upset than the person at hand lmfao. i'm a lot more put together now. just generally doing better. i have the capacity to translate my thoughts into words and carry myself in the way i'd like to. i love to help my friends if i can.

hi again. oh mygodddddddddddd um i don't know where to start
um the earliest thing i can remember is i had another driving lesson but i didn't have any practice inbetween my lessons i did fucking awful but i didn't die so that's all that matters i guess. and then a coupledays later i went out with my mom and i did some practice driving and ive been finallypracticing every now and then so i'm getting the hours in that i need

then i hung out with family i went to a casino again and i stayed back for most of the time while they went gambling. if im entirely honest i am so tired of spending so much time with so many people back to back i kind of just want to be left alone forever lawllollllllllllll

yesterday i spent the whole day binging madoka magica yay i can finally say i've watched something other than evangelion. i really liked it. clearly i did enough to watch it all in one sitting. i liked everything going on with madoka and homura, i teared up a little i can'tlie. my favorites are probably homura and madoka and sayaka in that order?
i see a lot of people compare kawoshin and madohomu and i really see it now. i understand. atleast rebuild kawoshin with the time stuff yeah
i've always been a big fan of the visuals of the witch realms and how it contrasts with the cutesy magical girl exaggerated moe art style.
i plan on watching at least one of the movies eventually. i heard the first two are just recap films and. i just watched the entire anime i think im okay.


i did draw some things but i think i want to force myself to make a gallery first before i keep putting my shit here. again i'm still really disappointed with my website right now. i wanna strip it clean and just make it really simple but then all my hard work would be lost and it wouldn't have any personality. whatever

anywho. its almost 2025. this has been an interesting year to say the least. i'll talk more about it when its time to i think

um wow it's been a while. yeah i got embarrassed about my website in a way and i just got demotivated i guess,this ones a little bit all over the place

i got to see family for thanksgiving and the change in schedule threw me for a loop and really fucking wrecked me for weeks for some reason.i am so exhausted Still. somehow.but whatever. felix has to recover from going outside for the first time in his life. i hung out with cousins that i hadnt seen in a year and a half

well i've been focusing on my art, and i recently picked up learning some japanese in the most scuffed way possible , don't ask me anything about it but i'm having fun with what i do know and what i can pick up on.i noticed i listen to a lot of japanese music and thought it would be nice to be able to pick the lyrics apart, in general ive always ended up engaging with japanese media just by... coincidence? especially online, and i thought it'd be nice to be able to understand and communicate with that more in depth, i guess.

i think i've been improving with my art super fast. thats nice smiley face

speaking of art i made a new sona, hes kind of fucked up and nasty.like me

i need to think of a name for him

a few days ago i went to the mall again, went to the usual where i got my kaworu and miku figures and they had the exact same stock as last time (for eva figures)
wish i could've found rei but i did buy the asuka shikinami that i wanted to buy last time when i bought kaworu. (as much as i prefer soryu....they only ever have rebuild figures.lol. she still looks cool so.ive always thought her eyepatch was neat)
pretty cool figure i think. i like her pose and the rock. it has NERV engraved on it . at the store they were also selling a $40 framed photo of kaworu playing the piano.kind of awesome

today i woke up with 1 hour of sleep because my sleep schedule is so beyond fucked up and headed to a christmas event at a shelter to help with some chores like arrange tables and sweep and say hi to people and put treats in mailboxes like a little elf..

music activities have been nothing new. i finally listened to the whole album ugly death no redemption angel curse i love you (such a Me album title) and i kind of wanna crown it album of the year, i keep coming back to it and the lyrics surrounding identity combined with the guttural industrial sound (would you call it that...? anything that sounds like metal bars banging into my skull is industrial to me, perhaps thats taking it a bit too literally.) really, really resonate with me in a special way

gaming activities ummm i keep picking up the sims 4 and getting overwhelmed by cc and being likejesus christ i caant do this anymore its like a whole world of customization but i have to do the work of a full time job to get to that point.eventually i kind of gave up and just made a household of the eva pilots to fuck around and be silly and within 5 minutes shinji spontaneously burst into flames so theres that

on the topic of gaming i honestly haven't been doing that much, i cannot get over the idea that i am wasting my time playing videogames, because id rather be learning something like a language or creative hobby. i feel more productive in that way. but i try to stick with a notion that time consuming and viewing art is not time that is wasted

it's over i am done with viscera homepage 3.0. (imagine me walking up to a ribbon and cutting it with huge scissors) honest to god i am scared. i am scared that it doesn't look good it is really hard to tell. i do personally like it a lot more than 222.0 oh my god the keys on my keyboard are breaking okay thanks2222222222222222222222222222222 whatever ok22222222222222222222 i'm trying really hard not to care about other peoples perception of me when i make my website and dont get me wrong everyone loves attention but i am a little afraid i'm not living up to some weird personal website standard. i do what i can. my lord i am self conscious about the things i create.

i've been listening to japanese citypop and shibuyakei again. pleasant music that makes me happy

been working on my site a lot lately. i'm working on viscera homepage 3.0 as of right now. i think it's pretty cute so far but i worry that it wont live up to how people liked the current homepage (2.0) ahhhhhhhhhhh i'm having fun with it though. i'm realizing my code is quite messy lol. i work in a very disorganized manner when i expect nobody to look at it ahahaahuh..............awkward

it is 5 in the morning. i have not slept. been staring at a new remake of my webmaster page for the past however many hoursdsfjksdfsmdfk,smdf,d,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, this morning, as in the morning of the 17th, i had a dream i played animal jam with shinji fucking ikari? he gave me his rarest items. how sweet. i really should start a dream journal.ugh.ggggggggggggggg so much i wanna do.
i feel so sleepy but i can't bring myself to sleep yet.
i've been thinking about how much i hate the thought of people being attached to me. it unsettles me horrendously now. i've realized how comforting it has become for me to just blend in with a crowd of other people. it's uncomfortable to me when people care about every little thing that i do. jesus christ almighty.

anyways, it's been raining. i can't say i appreciate everything being wet and slippery and gross but the noise is so pleasant at night.

is anyone else feeling just a little disappointed with their lack of closeness with anybody. i guess i kind of do this to myself because i appreciate the peacefulness that comes with being alone when i want to be but sometimes i wonder if i would even be worth special attention in the first place. i think i'm generally pretty cool for my own sake, i surround myself with many people, but sometimes i feel quite disconnected, though i wouldn't consider myself lonely per se. it doesnt really matter all that much. it seems like a grass is always greener kind of situation.........
i've gotten a lot better mentally the past couple years, still had my ups and downs, but when things get critical for me, they soon get a lot better. i'm just generally a much more optimistic and hopeful person. well, these days i simply want to be alive so i think that by itself says something. i think it would take a lot to actually bother me now.

today has been a day centered around exploring the web apparently.

okay well. its pretty obvious now that my little fixation as of late has been on vkei and particularlyy malice mizer, gulu gulu, lacroix despheres, and gpkism. this combined with me dyeing my hair had me thinking like..... jesus i need to get cooler clothes LOL. i wanna dress up. but i hate spending money. a lot of the stuff i have in mind is pretty expensive for me. ughghghhh i wanna get a job so bad but i'm waiting for when i can drive on my own. but anyway this thought process reminded me that depop exists and like whaaaaaaaaaatttttt theeeee fuckkkkkkkkkk theres so many relatively inexpensive cute things on here i'm going crazygyyyyyyyygwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just get anxious that i can't really pull these kinds of ambitious styles off. but regardless its better than the lame shit i have in my wardrobe now. it is all so tempting. somebody save me

i got fed up with the fact that malice mizer isn't officially on spotify and that me listening to them wouldnt show up on lastfm or my discord rich presence properly, so i scoured the web and very luckily found an entire zip file of i believe every malice mizer and moi dix mois (still need to listen to them more. i like monophobia) song and installed a lastfm scrobbling app on my phone . And Then found a lastfm discord rich presence app. i will always find a way to announce my weird music to the world

i also helped a pal with a website. sort of. i like helping people. i have two buddies who have been working on a website and it makes me pretty happy because i truly think everyone should at least try making a website even if its held together with tape and gum because just the simplest webpage can really tell you a lot about somebody. i started making a walkthrough on how i format my webpages but i got worried it wasn't coherent enough and kind of gave up.

hi rolling around yelling i finally colored my hair it is red now except for my roots. its quite vibrant. i am really happy that i finally decided to be bold with my appearance. i usually spend a lot of time wallowing in being upset about my looks and not really doing much about it. its a nice change

i have more art too, of mana-sama, they're more like doodles but i had a lot of fun with them

I HAVE ART. more gay stuff but i'm going to reiterate that this is My Blog I don't care. ugh i'll have to get my art page up again

it is november.it has been for a while. nothing much has happened but i did wanna say i cut my hair a few days ago. im super fucking happy with it, i havent been this happy with my appearance ever. its kind of vaguely wolf cut shaped? i plan to dye it red soon. that will be fun. i don't really experiment with my hair color very much let alone dye almost my whole head

music has been more of the usual vkei but i also found this song (i haven't watched death and rebirth yet) and i find it absolutely gorgeous

hi guys happy halloween. (technically writing this at 12 am on november 1st but that doesn't count) i didn't do anything today but i did do things the week before.. (guy that lowkey wants to dress up and all that but is so afraid of spending money)

i went out with a bunch of my family for my sister and moms birthdays. they went to a casino while i hung out alone in a hotel room so i didn't really do much myself but some of my family members gave me cash they earned while gambling so i cant complain!

the next day i finally went to the fucking . weebshit store i wanted to go to all month and GUAHHHHI GUAHHHHHHHHHHHH UAHGHJJJJJJJJJAUSGJKHJKJHJUKDSJ I FOUND FUCKING KAWORU?!?!?!featuring miku
he was 100 dollars. crazy stuff. i don't spend that much money on anything really ever but the experience of finding him in the wild in person out here was so insane. the cashier was a big nge fan and he was telling me about all the merch he has... that should be me... but it was funny talking to him about it lol. it made my week for real.
now not to get emotional all of a sudden but seeing people in real life like the same shit that means so so much to me is so unfathomable in my head. in my last blog post i talked about how someone complimented my evangelion shirt and like, it means a lot to me that both times i have publicly displayed my love for this someone has pointed it out. to my dismay i've had to involuntarily spend 90% of my lifetime inside and online (why do you think i'm here) so i've been led to believe that the only way i can find people similar to me is by hiding away in niche corners of the internet and it is just very comforting to realize the opposite. there is hope for me in this world.

also, i bought and played a shit ton of webfishing this past week. i really enjoy it. its such a perfect hang out with your friends game. its mindless enough that you can talk to your buddies or listen to a video or music while you play but not so much that it is painfully boring. i really like the drawing part of it too. i've been drawing a lot of eva pilots on the little drawing spots and sadly i did not save a screenshot of my kaworu and shinji but i do have rei and asuka :)
speaking of fun art i drew kawoshin today. i'm quite proud of it. i'm gonna put it here since i've been procrastinating on fixing up my art page. i like the removed details because it looks like they are together as one, like puzzle pieces. i think its cute. pretty cringe but i'm free yknow....... this is my diary i can do what i want anyways heres more pictures of my kaworu figur

hiii... a lot happened yesterday
okay first and foremost i had my driving lesson. THAT SHIT WAS SCARY!??!?!!?! i didn't die so thats good. i wasn't the greatest at it but you know, thats a given. it felt like an out of body experience i don't like how driving is just a normal thing that we have accepted as normal. this is freaking me the fuck out. i'll get used to it. i guess. sigh. my instructor had me pull into the freeway even though it wasn't planned to get back to our starting point faster and um. horrifying. it wasn't that bad though but oh my goddddd.d,d.ds

n then i got a smoothie and i visited the aquarium nearby .i go there quite a lot. didn't have time to do much because we got there near closing time but i quite enjoyed it anyways. i like looking at the rays and the sharks and isopods :)
the guy working there to let us in said he liked my evangelion shirt i hope he has a good day yayyy

a while after i got home i decided i would finally play mouthwashing....... i finished it in pretty much one sitting with a couple of breaks and like. holy shit. wow. jesus christ. ugh. it was really good. i'm still processing it. man. i really like how the story is formatted. i do recommend it if you feel like wanting to curl up into a ball and scream. i was a big fan of daisuke :) i can't really talk about my feelings with it in depth yet because i finished it so recently. i kinda have to sit with it.but like. wow
its not often that you see a horror game blow up like this that isnt like, cheap mascot horror. im a big fan of psychological horror above all else. its refreshing to see this kind of thing that deals with such a serious subject matter get so popular, it's very deserved . i also appreciate that its been bringing forth conversations about how people approach some of the subjects explored in the game, especially in fandom spaces

i forgot to mention this in my last post but i guess i'll make it tradition for me to mention what music i'm listening to in all my diary posts. lately i've been revisiting some vkei bands, especially malice mizer because of course... and a bit of dadaroma
not gonna embed all of them this time because it'd be clunky but here are a few of the songs i've been listening to:

malice mizer - hakai no hate
malice mizer - shiroi hada ni kuruu ai to kanashimi no rondo
malice mizer - baroque
malice mizer - shi no botou
gulu gulu - chuuzuri shoujo
dadaroma - risley circus
dadaroma - phantom pain
dadaroma - toxururira
royz - lilia
xaaxaa - gogatsubyo
kamijo - bara ha utsukushiku chiru (the lareine version is also very good)

hello world. i've had quite the fun past several days. on the 19th i was out visiting my little cousin's like i said i was going to. we spent the whole day messing around making loom bracelets and playing board games and we developed an obsession with playing mancala together. i love my cousin she is so sweet i love playing with her :)

i also wanna talk about the fun night i had. last night, actually technically this morning, i was watching videos on youtube with my friends, and we transitioned into listening to music together all while we played fisch on roblox. also i caught a lot of really cool fish. fisch is a very soothing game and i recommend it a lot if you wanna play a game where you just turn off your brain for a little while. i was up until 6 in the morning with my buddies and i think i'll remember the night for a really long time. they are my online friends but it felt like we might've been really hanging out together. its so nice to bridge the gap between me and the people across the world in my computer

one of the albums they played (okay well its an ep. whatever) was so beautiful i lowkey felt like crying. it reminded me of how i wanna start a page on this website dedicated to cataloging albums i listen to. (i also wanna talk about her abiding memory by pitcher56 and dream's end come true by worlds end girlfriend) this album in question is sharkt​ü​th by pacific purgatory.



i truly adore this ep and it means an extra lot to me because i listened to it for the first time while while hanging out with the people i love. its such a calming ep, and the lyrics are straight up gorgeous. its the kind of thing that makes me feel like frolicking around aimlessly in a field. kabukilles in particular makes me feel very emotional. pretty stuff. man. i could talk about it forever. i know i'm ranting to the void here mostly but if you are reading this and you have the time please listen to this

OH YEAH i've been creating a lot of stuff lately. the day before yesterday, i started some art with kaworu and shinji and i was pretty proud of the lineart but coloring and rendering has been a struggle for me for a long time. i hope i get out of that rut LOL. and then after working on that a bit yesterday, i decided i'd do a 3d model of my friend mel's regretevator oc and finished that instead,..... and then i started another drawing. i'll finish the two art pieces one of these days. i'm just glad i've been having ideas and the motivation to start them for once. my art page has been really barren.

now, less about the past and more about whats going on in the future. apparently, i'm gonna be doing my first driving lesson tomorrow and i'm a little anxious about that. and i'm thinking about dyeing and cutting my hair? maybe? in general i just wanna change my appearance up a bit lately... we'll see if i care enough to go through with any of that

jesus christ! i did not realize its been so long since ive updated this what thefuck?!?!?
my birthday was a few days ago! sweet 16 or whatever . i still feel like a little kid but like a more mature little kid i guess.

it's so weird how like, i've been on the internet my whole life, so i got so used to being the youngest person in any given situation. i used to lie about being 14 years old when i was like 8-11 and now i'm 16. that is crazy to me. what do you mean people are younger than me. hello.

i haven't done much for my birthday yet. i don't usually do anything extravagant. but a couple days ago i went to the mall and got an evangelion t-shirt :o). i plan to get more evangelion stuff since i'll be going to another mall with a better selection in the next week or so. i'll also be visiting my cousin's place so we can celebrate all of our october birthdays at once!!

holy shit i finally got around to finishing evangelion 3.10+1.0/thrice upon a time. kind of an insane movie. its at times batshit nature can almost be comparable to end of evangelion, which says alot as eoe will forever reign supreme as evangelion's definitive and most impactful ending to me.

i can see it being controversial though, both internally in my personal opinions, and externally in the general consensus of evangelion fans. i think there's a lot to unpack here... but i'll say what i can in the most concise and comprehensible way possible:
absolutely stunning visuals in many many areas, delves into aspects of many characters that previously remained unexplored, makes up for weaknesses i felt in the preceding movies in the rebuild series, made me cry like a baby multiple times, i could go on. a surprisingly optimistic and cathartic reimagining of the typically nihilistic end of evangelion.

though most of my critique lies in the very ending conclusion of the film. the rebuild movies had a slight issue with some fanservice that didn't offer any depth or meaningful attachment. it felt like such a slap in the face, but it's such an insignificant portion in the grand scheme of things, that it didn't take from my enjoyment in any meaningful way.

i'd give it a solid 9/10.

happy october! it is the month of my birthday and halloween!

fun facts about my family and birthdays in october, my birthday (october 13th), my little cousin's birthday (october 20th), and my sister's birthday (october 27th) are all 1 week apart... safe to say there will be a lot of back to back celebrating. fun!

aside from my cats and thinking about evangelion an unhealthy amount, my days have been pretty uneventful lately. i've been playing some games on roblox with my friends. shoutout dear friend melpomene
(my god)
i've been wanting to say something about a couple of songs i've been obsessed with the past week, those being 999999999 in a dream and gravity weapon by ada rook (who i believe is known for being part of black dresses?). i love the sounds of these so fucking much. i adore the lyrics aswell. truly amazing shit

i also updated the look of this page a little bit. messed with some colors and such.

complementary kitty photo

complementary kaworu photo

i got kittens???????? i got kittens yesterday?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? look at my fucking cats. they're two siblings, a sister (left) and brother (right). they're very close and are always looking out for eachother... i love them so much they're so sweet. it seems like them having eachother is helping them settle in and get comfortable at home quickly. it's fun to watch :)

i just realized some (relative to the rest of my frankly nothing burger of a life) heavy hitting shit about myself tonight. nothing super insane but some stuff i kiiind of wish i realized sooner regarding my romantic orientation and how i have always felt about romance in general.

always trying to be more introspective and sometimes this leads to some "oh, shit. that makes a lot of sense now." kind of feelings. that's not to say i'm upset at all, i'm actually happy i can understand myself better going forward. just food for thought for myself.

had a weird dream. fell back asleep. had a nightmare that had me waking up shaking. not very fun but all is well in the end. gonna be tinkering with my site some more today, i updated how i want diary entries to look a little bit, and i might get a start on some shrines i've wanted to make? who knows

hi! finally starting up a blog/diary. unsure of how i want to format things exactly but i'm finally getting things started. stuff i'll put here will range from full on ramblings to just whatever simple things i'm thinking about at any given time that i wanna share with the world LOL. it's simple at the moment but i want to decorate some more in the near future

yesterday i went out for breakfast with some family, and then went to a library for the first time in ages to pick up some manga. i got mob psycho volumes 1 2 and 3 (i've watched the anime and been a fan since) and azumanga daioh, something i've been vaguely interested in for a while now.

i finished the first volume of mp100 and read a bit of azumanga daioh and enjoy both quite a lot :) i'm a big fan of sakaki and chiyo from azumanga.. azumanga has a really cute cast of characters and i really like the bite sized magazine strip format